Before he ended his examination-in-chief
this afternoon, Mr Chew Eng Han presented one last exhibit — a
spiritual journal detailing his period of depression as he and his
family faced a series of trials from 2006 to 2009.
Chew Eng Han’s spiritual journal
From darkness to light
One day as
I was praying, God spoke to me to prepare for trials to come my way. I
was having a good job then, was financially well-off, and was doing
great in family life, ministry, physical and emotional health. Then in
mid 2006, the first of a series of trials hit us.
My wife
was taking a lift down in her office building after work when suddenly
the lift began to shake and there was loud banging noises. She was all
alone and began to panic, feeling that the lift was in a freefall. By
the time the lift reached the ground floor, it hit the floor with a
bang. Then the door opened, and she quickly rushed out in fear. She
walked to my car, got in, and broke down. That incident triggered an
anxiety disorder in her, and she lost her confidence as well as some of
her memory. She became fearful of getting into lifts as well. Through
the months, we tried to help her regain confidence, but failed. Then, in
December 2006, the next trial began
Inexplicably,
my vision in my left eye began to blur. The doctor I visited said it
was no cause for concern and would go off, but it became worse by the
day, till I had lost about 90 percent of my eyesight. I went to an eye
specialist, who found that my retina had torn and dropped down. He told
me to prepare for an immediate major operation, or I would risk losing
my eyesight in the left eye forever. Without having any time to think, I
rushed back home to pack my clothes and rushed back to the hospital to
get warded in.
Whilst
waiting for the operation, I had no fear and was totally at peace that
God would bless the operation. It turned out well, and the doctor
declared it a success. I was told to rest for a few months at home, and
had to go back for regular reviews. With each visit, my eyesight
recovered amazingly fast. I was told that it would take 6 to 12 months
to recover, and at best I would regain 60 percent of my eyesight.
However, within 6 weeks, I regained almost 100 percent of my eyesight!
Through the peace and faith I had in God, I received supernatural
healing.
As I just
recovered, the next trial happened, in January 2007. My wife Janet fell
off a ladder and broke her calcaneum bone at the right ankle. In she
went for a major operation, and it turned out successful as the
orthopaedic surgeon was able to piece the broken parts together despite
the anticipated difficulty.
[Heard in court: "...January 2007, your Honour is the date of the
alleged conspiracy, where I allegedly conspired with Kong Hee and the
rest to misappropriate funds from the church."]
She had to
go back for regular reviews and each time she had to take a wheelchair
and go into a lift. Ironically, that forced her to face her fear of
lifts, and she overcame it! But as time progressed, we found that her
right leg could still not function as it should. To make matters worse,
as she rested at home with a cast in her right leg, her left thigh and
calf began to swell and harden. The orthopaedist thought it was just
some muscle strain on the left leg, but it became worse by the weeks. By
some strange intervention by God, we found out that it was a serious
deadly condition called Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT), where the blood in
her leg had clotted and the clots had spread all the way from her feet
to above waist level. If we had discovered it a little later, the clots
would have gone up to her heart and caused death.
It was
also a miracle that Janet had survived so many weeks with DVT, as this
condition has been know to kill within hours or days. The other miracle
was that it actually took an injury on my spinal disc to lead to the
discovery of the seriousness of Janet’s condition. I had injured my
spine whilst carrying Janet’s wheelchair, and the pain was so
excruciating that I could not stand or walk for a week. One day as I was
about to go to the physiotherapist, I decided to bring Janet along to
see if they could help with the swelling on the leg. When the
physiotherapist saw the hardness on her leg, she suspected it was DVT
and advised us to go for a medical test.
Led by the
Holy Spirit, I decided not to wait another day and took her straight to
the hospital. It did turn out to be DVT and she was warded immediately
and put on a blood thinning medication called Wafarin. The doctor said
her clots had reached all the way to above the waist and she was at high
risk.
So here
was a situation where Janet was hospitalized, unable to walk with both
legs, and I was still suffering pain and struggling to walk as well. One
night as I laid in bed, I was feeling so depressed and tired. I slept
alone and discouraged. God woke me up and asked me to read Psalms 34. I
went through the whole Psalm, and as I reached the last line, God told
me to confess it out aloud. I did, and He instructed me to keep
repeating it aloud. So I kept saying “No one who trusts in Him shall be
condemned” and as I said it, I felt the power of God coming upon me
suddenly. Tears flowed profusely, my body trembled, and I began to cough
out what I believe was the spirit of condemnation. God had given me a
word to deliver me! After that I felt so good, and I thought perhaps my
disc problem was healed and I could walk. I got up from bed and tried,
but it wasn’t healed. Nevertheless, because of God’s word and
deliverance, I had confidence inside my spirit that I would get healed
quickly. True enough, within a week or so, I could walk again after
religiously doing the exercises that the physiotherapist had
recommended.
[Heard in court: "On the third line of the third paragraph, I said:
'I was feeling so depressed and tired. I slept alone and discouraged.'
By now, your Honour, this is about April 2007, three months after the
alleged conspiracy began."]
Janet’s
DVT was under control by the medication, but my April 2007, she was
still unable to use either her right or left leg. Both were weak and non
functional. She began to slide into depression as she had been
incapacitated at home for months by now.
Benny Hinn
was coming to minister at the Indoor Stadium, and we believed that God
would heal her supernaturally. Janet began to fast for her own healing,
and on the first night, we went to the healing meeting with expectation
for God to move. Nothing happened that night. We were disappointed, but
believed that God would heal her the next night.
At the
next night’s meeting, God indeed moved. Whilst Pastor Benny was calling
out for various healings, God spoke to Janet to get up to walk. She felt
heat rushing all over her body and down to her feet, and turned to me
to tell me she could walk. I immediately snapped the pedals off the
wheelchair so she could stand unobstructed. She rose up, and immediately
started to walk, and walked all the way through the aisle to the stage
where she was to testify of her healing. It was a supercharged
atmosphere of God’s presence enveloping us, as she walked briskly as if
she had been walking all these months. God delivered us once again The
afflictions of the righteous are many, but God delivers us out of
everyone of them all!
Before we
could rest for long, the next trial came. My 17 year old daughter Clair
was practicing for cheerleading when she fell and broke her left ankle.
It was back to the hospital again. Thankfully, Clair did not develop any
complication and recovered much faster than Janet. Before long, she was
back on her feet and walking without crutches.
[Heard in court: "This was, by then, probably about June or July 2007. We were close to the Xtron bonds."]
Then in
late 2007 came a crisis of different nature. I had left my job at the
bank and started to a fund management business on my own. Besides
earning fees from clients, which was not substantive enough, I traded my
own capital as well. The infamous sub-prime crisis began to hit
financial markets, and the volatiltity and fears sweeping the markets
made trading the markets extremely challenging. In the first half of
2007 I had chalked up about $200,000 of trading profits, but as the
crisis came, I began to lose everything I had made. To make matters
worse, I had money owing from a certain party which by now looked
unrecoverable. And I had no longer the stability of a monthly salary
which I had been accustomed to my whole working life.
I lost all
confidence in my trading abilities, and began to experience anxiety and
heaviness. I would have trouble sleeping and wake up each morning with a
heavy head and feeling confused and lost in my mind. I went through
rounds of deliverance, and began a slow path of recovery. What helped me
most was really the word of God. Each day I would look for verses which
spoke to me, and I would meditate and confess them till I felt strength
returning inside me. The effect would wear off quickly though, and
everyday would be a struggle whereby I kept taking up the word and
confessing it till I felt better.
[Heard in court: "Not many people knew I was going through
depression, your Honour, other than Kong Hee or Tan Ye Peng. And nobody
would guess I was going through depression from the way I was continuing
to serve the church, doing the Xtron bonds and, later on, the Firna
bonds and buying Riverwalk, and then going for Suntec, Toa Payoh
stadium, Capitol. I was still in depression."]
Meanwhile,
my trading just stayed bad, and nothing seemed to go right for me. It
came to a point where I doubted I would ever be able to trade profitably
like I used to. I prayed more and clung to God as much as I knew how
to, with the mental confusion that had beset me. I had feelings that
kept telling me that God no longer cared for me or loved me, and that He
was finished with my life. The fear of being forsaken by God was mixed
with anger and feelings of injustice- how could God let me sink to this
state when I had served Him and given so much finances into His kingdom?
And when I saw others who were less fervent for God and yet prospering,
it hurt me even more. My mind went into despair, confusion, anxiety,
depression, hopelessness. Each time I just turned to two things- prayer
and the word.
[Heard in court: “And this was how I was feeling, your Honour: how
could God let me sink to this state when I had served him and given so
much finances into his kingdom? I’ve never been a taker; I’ve
always been a giver to the church. And, as I have testified over the
days, that when I did the Xtron and Firna bonds, it was a ministry to
the church and that’s why I never wanted to charge any fees. I was telling the truth.“]
I got more
positive as the months passed. After more than a year, nothing had
changed in my business or trading- but I learned to handle the
disappointment and anxiety much better. I would tell myself everyday
that God loved me and cared for me, and was working all things for my
good. I would try my best to continue in ministry- leading the business
group, getting the land for the church, doing whatever projects that
pastor required of me.
[Heard in court: "Your Honour, this is the Crossover Project.
Despite my condition, I put my heart and soul into the land and the
Crossover, because I thought these were the two most important things
for City Harvest Church."]
It helped give me a sense of purpose and
remind me that God was still using me. And that kept me going for Him
and helped my faith stay strong despite the absence of any visible
breakthrough.
I know God
will take me out of this darkness. His will for me is good, and as my
Father, He will ensure my life goes back up again so that I can lead the
life of abundance and blessing which He wants for all His children. It
seems difficult at times to continue believing Him, but everytime I just
make a decision to continue to believe what He says in His Word. That
is the only thing that one can cling on to in times when one cannot see
His hand. But that is the most important thing in keeping our faith –
not His presence, not His hand, but His word. It is so true, faith comes
by hearing, and by hearing His word. God is good, God is faithful, and
God has a good plan for us all!
Your Honour, all these years, 2007, 2008, 2009, I never thought I was in a conspiracy. I thought God was using me. When I did the land and when I did the Crossover, it gave me a sense of purpose. It reminded me that God was still using me for his Kingdom. I never had bad intentions, to cause loss to the church. Everything I did, I did it for God, and for Kong Hee, who I thought was a man of God.
Your Honour, I’ve finished my EIC.
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